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| Mesothelioma and Your Family |
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When diagnosed with a rare
disease such as malignant mesothelioma, it is easy to slip
into thinking that no one else understands. It is normal to
grieve when you have lost something-be it health, energy,
strength, hair or even hope. You may feel sad, lonely, fearful
or angry. These are the times it is most important to resist
any temptation to isolate. Talking to someone about your
feelings, frustrations and concerns can help. Sharing with
others, especially those similarly diagnosed, can prove a
source of strength for both of you. If you have access to the
internet, there are chat rooms where you can talk to other
mesothelioma patients across the globe. You can also find
support groups within your community that might meet near your
home, or perhaps at the hospital where you are being treated.
Let friends and family help you! Just as friends and family
can help you research malignant mesothelioma and your
treatment options, they can also run errands, prepare meals,
clean the house, walk the dog and drive you to appointments.
For many, asking for and accepting this help is difficult, but
allowing others to assist you is also important because it
gives those who care about you something tangible to do at a
time when they may feel helpless to make a difference.
The note and list below is something that you can share with
your family and friends. Anyone who loves you will want to
help in any way they can. You can select the tasks you are
comfortable with assigning to friends and family from the list
below, or make your own list. Knowing how they can help will
let your support group feel less hopeless too.
Please Help Me
I have a serious illness and, like most people, find it hard
to ask others for help. Because you asked about ways you
could help me and my family, I am passing this list of ideas
along. I appreciate your help and thank you in advance for
all you are able to do for me and my family.
1. Don’t avoid me. Be the friend, the loved one,
you’ve always been.
2. Touch me. A simple squeeze of the hand tells me you
still care.
3. Call and tell me you’re bringing over my favorite
dish. Bring food in disposable containers so I won’t worry about
returning them.
4. Watch my children while I take a little time to be
alone with my loved one. My children may also need a vacation from my illness.
5. Cry with me when I cry and laugh with me when I
laugh. Don’t be afraid to share these emotions with me. Pain
isolates. Help me reconnect with others.
6. Take me out for a pleasure trip, but know my
limitations.
7. Call for my shopping list and make a special
delivery to my home.
8. Don’t be afraid to visit but please call to let me
know beforehand. I need you. I can get lonely.
9. Help me celebrate holidays (and life) by decorating
my hospital room or home.
10. Help my family. Invite them out. Take them places. I am
sick, but they may be suffering too. Offer to come and stay
with me to give my loved ones a break.
11. Be creative. Bring me a book of reflections, taped
music, a poster for my wall, or cookies to share with my family
and friends.
12. Sometimes I need to talk about my illness. Find out by
asking, ‘‘Do you feel like talking about it?’’
13. Don’t always feel we have to talk. Sitting quietly
together is fine. Your presence confirms that I am still important and
alive.
14. Can you take me and/or my children somewhere? I may need transportation to a treatment, to the store, or
to my physician.
15. Help me feel good about myself.
16. Please include me in decision making. I’ve been robbed
of so many things. Please don’t deny me a chance to
make decisions in my family and in my life.
17. Talk to me about the future - tomorrow, next week, next
year. Hope is so important to me.
18. Bring a positive attitude. It’s catching. Help me
respect reality.
19. What’s in the news? Magazines, photos, newspapers, and verbal reports keep me from feeling like the
world is passing me by.
20. Could you help me with some chores? During my illness,
my family and I still face dirty clothes, dirty
dishes, and a dirty house.
21. Water my flowers.
22. Just send a card to let me know you care.
23. Pray for me and share your faith with me.
24. Tell me how you’d like to help me and when I agree,
please do so.
25. Tell me about support groups, so I can share with
others.
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